I’ve never been a “great” writer. If you ask me, I tend to talk too long and have a hard time just getting to the point. There are times when I want to write what’s on my mind, just to relax and release. So I decided to start, this being my first attempt at my thoughts.
For the past 3 weeks, every time I am at a red light, a huge dragonfly is in front of car. It generally only flies there when the light is red and when it turns green, it flies away. Yesterday, I was having a conversation with my best friend and she noted that there is symbolic meaning to dragonflies. Jokingly, she stated it was my great-grandmother, Nan, trying to get my attention. I brushed it off and was like, “Whatever.” Three more times yesterday, was there a dragonfly in front of me. I decided this morning to look up the symbolic meaning of dragonflies and this is what I found (courtesy of The Dragonfly Site):
- Maturity and depth of character- “almost every part of the world (dragonflies) symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.
- Power and Poise- “The dragonfly’s agile flight and its ability to move in all six directions exude a sense of power and poise – something that comes only with age and maturity.”
- Defeat of self-created illusions- “Iridescence is the property of an object to show itself in different colors depending on the angle and polarization of light falling on it. This property is seen and believed as the end of one’s self created illusions and a clear vision into the realities of life.”
- Focus on living “IN” the moment- “By living in the moment you are aware of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you want, what you don’t and make informed choices on a moment-to-moment basis. This ability lets you live your life without regrets like the great dragonfly.”
- The opening of one’s eyes- “it symbolizes the uninhibited vision of the mind and the ability to see beyond the limitations of the human self. It also in a manner of speaking symbolizes a man/woman’s rising from materialism to be able to see beyond the mundane into the vastness that is really our Universe, and our own minds.”
Ok, I know this is a lot to take in and I had to read it several times to think how this applies to me. Plus, you have to know a little about the life cycle of dragonflies to even understand these symbolisms.
Over the past few months, I’ve really had a hard time. I’ll admit, my self-esteem is nonexistent and there are days when I want to just give up. It seems things never work in my favor and I am generally on the losing end of the stick. I’ve several people in my ear telling me all things wonderful things about me, that I just don’t see. I’ve prayed to God and asked for him to talk to me, help build me up, to lead me, and to help take this pain away. Maybe God is sending the dragonfly to me to help me these things. As I approach my third decade (that sounds so official lol), it’s time to make changes and be the woman that I know I can be. Self-esteem is built when you are in a healthy mental and emotional state. Sure, we see people that act confident and think they are “the shit”, but when they go home, they break down because they are trying to put on a façade and they are really unhappy. I don’t want this to be me. I want people to see me and know that I love Tamera and it’s not ever going to change. I admit, I have self-created illusions. Ever since I was little, I knew that when I reached 30, I was going to be married, living in a nice house when 2 children ( a boy and girl). Um, yeah right. We create illusions or fantasies to give us something to look forward to, but we never consider what is going to happen when these illusions or fantasies don’t come true. We’re crushed. We think our life has no meaning because our fantasies didn’t come true. We overlook all the other successes we may have had in our lives because this one thing did not happen. It’s time to change that and accept life for what it is. Yes, I’m not married, no I don’t have any prospects, but I have a great job, family and friends who love and the best son. This also connects to living “IN” the moment. Hey, sometimes we have to follow the motto, “It is what it is.” I’m guilty of stressing over things I have no control over. I stress over things that may be 3 months in the future. It’s life. Things happen. As a good friend said, “Change occurs every day.” Just because you can’t pay the bill right now, doesn’t mean in a month you won’t be able to pay it. We got to learn to just roll with the punches. So, this is just the beginning of a new journey for me. It’s time to stop feeling bad for myself and accept and love me for who I am.